A handy-dandy guide to pronouns
Being referred to with the pronouns someone determines for themselves is a basic human dignity, and while the act of affirming someone’s identity through these miniscule words may seem small, its impact can be lifesaving. Being misgendered – or, addressed with a pronoun that doesn’t correctly reflect your gender identity – particularly impacts transgender and gender non-conforming folks in our community, and it’s up to all of us to get educated on pronouns so we can properly celebrate everyone’s unique identity.
What are pronouns and why do they matter?
In the English language, we use pronouns all day, usually without even noticing. When we talk about people, often these pronouns imply the subject’s gender (e.g., “he” or “she”). We often make assumptions about someone’s gender based on their appearance or their name, yet these are not always indicative of someone’s gender identity. That’s why it’s important to always ask “what pronouns do you use?” when meeting someone new – we shouldn’t assume! Using someone’s proper pronouns is a great way to show them you value and respect them, whereas refusing to do so is inconsiderate, and may imply that you don’t value or respect trans and nonbinary people’s identities.
What about the singular “they” pronoun?
We often hear from folks that “they/them” is a confusing set of pronouns for them to grasp. But in practice, it’s likely you use “they” or “them” as singular pronouns every day without even noticing. In fact, I just did so two sentences ago! If you find a phone on the sidewalk, you might say “Someone dropped their phone.” Affirming nonbinary folks’ gender identity is as easy as that.
What can I do when I make a mistake?
We are all human, and mistakes will happen! What’s most important is how you move on and learn from the mistake. Don’t make a big deal out of it, and don’t center yourself. Just apologize, correct yourself, and move forward with the conversation. For more detailed scenarios and examples of how to move forward after a pronoun slip-up, or how to correct someone else, check out this great resource.
What are some helpful resources?
For more on the above questions, and to learn how to react in specific scenarios regarding gender pronouns, check out the amazing resource that is mypronouns.org.
And, once you’ve got a solid grasp on proper pronoun usage, test out your skills with this awesome tool: Practice With Pronouns.